


Goodbye Agony

by Erikades



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Loving Dean, M/M, Suicidal Castiel, Suicide Attempt, This starts out sad, it gets better I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-20
Updated: 2015-01-20
Packaged: 2018-03-08 09:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3204623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erikades/pseuds/Erikades
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is having suicidal thoughts and decides to act on them. Dean catches him at the last second and tells Castiel how important he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye Agony

**Author's Note:**

> //TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS// Please, please, please if this is going to trigger you do not read it.
> 
> Also, sorry if this is bad. Oh well, enjoy reading. :)

Dean just shut the door to his beloved Impala. He is just starting to walk towards his apartment building when he glances up and notices something strange. "No, no, no." he repeats over and over and he pulls open the door and rushes to the stairs to the roof. He almost falls flat on his face by how fast he's going and he's out of breath. He slams the door to the roof open and Castiel gasps as he turns to look at Dean, surprised. Dean stares into Cas eyes as they fill with tears as he swallows the lump in his throat. He's still trying to process this situation. His best friend is standing on the ledge of a building, about to jump. Why didn't Cas say anything? Why didn't he talk to me about what was going on? He rushes over to where Cas is standing and grips his bicep. Castiel turns to Dean and lets himself be pulled into an embrace. He somehow manages to get his arms around Deans torso. Cas doesn't realize he's crying until Dean pulls away and tears are also streaked down his face. “I am really sorry, Dean”, Castiel chokes out.

Dean wipes at his own face and mutters, “Cas, you don’t need to be sorry.”

Deans arms wrap around Castiel in another bone crushing hug. Letting go, Dean takes Cas hand and pulls him towards the door and down the stairs to their apartment. He fumbles with the key for a second before opening the door and closing it behind them. Dean makes a beeline to his room, him and Castiel kicking off their shoes in the process. Castiel allows himself to be pulled down on the bed and have Dean hold him; he falls asleep like that.

When Castiel wakes up Dean is standing in the doorway of his own room. “Cas, man, you --- you have to talk to me, I need to understand.” Dean stammers out as he sits on the edge of the bed.

Cas sits up and crosses his legs, looking down at his lap and whispers “I do not think it’s something I can really explain, Dean.” Cas looks up at Dean, tears beginning to cloud his vision.

Dean turns toward him and looks into his eyes, “Try to, Castiel, please just try.”

Cas lip trembles at his best friend using his full name. He knows he’s hurting Dean but he really doesn’t know how describe what he’s feeling and why, but he could try. “I feel like everything is building up, one thing on top of the other. I am a waste of space and I'm not good enough and I deserve nothing but to die and.. and.. ”, he rambles. His heart speeds up and his breath quickens and his chest feels tight and, oh god no, no he is not going to have a panic attack in front of Dean. Dean realizes right away what’s happening and instantly takes action. “Cas, listen to me, you need to breath. Breath with me, okay?” Dean imitates breathing slowly for Cas to copy him. Castiel tries to breath with Dean and it somewhat helps; within five minutes Cas is calm. Cas realizes that Deans hands are on his shoulders and is looking at him with his eyebrows raised and an expecting look “Are you okay now?”

Cas nods and replies while yawning, “Yes, I think I am alright but I am exhausted.”

Cas moves to lay down and Dean shifts to join him. His arms wrap around Cas as they settle. It isn’t weird because they’ve done it so many times in their many years of friendship but it feels so much more comforting. Cas starts dozing off immediately but he still feels the soft brush of lips on his forehead and something being whispered to him before sleep washes over him again.

Cas wakes up the next day alone in bed. He gets up and goes to the bathroom, peeling off his dirty clothes and grabbing his towel. He then turns the shower on the hottest setting and steps in after a minute. Shampoo gets scrubbed into his dark brown, unruly hair and his body washed with whatever is on the shelf next to him and turns off the water and grabs his towel, rubbing it on his wet hair then wrapping it around his waist. Cas walks over to his dresser and pulls out a fresh shirt and sweatpants, quickly slipping them on, then stopping for a minute when he catches the scent of bacon. He quickly shuffles his way to the kitchen to see Dean standing over the stove cooking eggs and a pile of bacon sitting on a plate next to him. Cas reaches for a piece but his hand is slapped away by Dean who states, “You eat that bacon and I cut your hand off.” Cas chuckles and sits down at the small, round table that sits in their small kitchen. Dean slides the eggs out of the pan and onto separate plates and puts a generous amount of bacon on Cas plate and sets it in front of him. After a few bites of egg a cup of steaming black coffee is also set down in front of him and Dean is sitting across the table from him. “When you are done with this delicious breakfast we are going to talk more”, Dean says sternly. Cas responds with a muffled ‘okay’, his eyes cast down as he continues eating. Ten minutes later they are sitting on the couch with their second cup of coffee and have the local news channel playing in the background. “Do you think you can maybe explain what’s going on with you better now since you’re calmed down?” Dean asks hesitantly.

Castiel sets down his coffee and takes a deep breath and before explaining. “I-I guess I just sometimes feel like nobody cares, or I’m not good enough, or I’m a burden to people. I mean, I guess I’m not but that’s what goes through my mind on a daily basis and I hate it, I hate myself.”

Dean puts down his coffee as well and rubs the back of his neck, unsure of how to respond. “Okay, listen to me, because everybody and their brother knows I don’t do chick flick moments. You, Castiel James Novak, are the most amazing person I have ever met. You are my best friend and nothing can ever change that. You are nice to everyone and always put everyone before yourself. You are selfless and caring, always listening and attentive. You have so much worth and I hate that you don't see that. You were there for me when my mom died when I was four and you were there when my dad died two years ago. You helped me through my personal shit and I’m going to help you with yours.” By the end of his little rant Dean was blushing. He looked up at Cas, who sat there speechless and staring. Cas suddenly grabs Deans face with both hands and pulled his face towards his own, only pausing when his and Deans lips were about an inch apart. With no protest, Cas didn’t hesitate, he pushed his lips against Deans ever so softly. Deans lips were as soft as he had imagined and their stubble rubbing together was blissful. Cas pulled his lips off of Deans and he heard a soft groan of complaint. Cas huffed a soft laugh and with his eyes still closed he set his head down on Deans shoulder and smiled. “I love you.” He heard Dean murmur quietly. “I know.” Cas replied. Dean chuckled and kissed the top of Cas head.

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by the Black Veil Brides song Goodbye Agony.


End file.
